Hello, my name is Basmati Kasaar. I am suffering from rare and
 deadly diseases, poor scores on final exams, extreme virginity, fear of
 being kidnapped and executed by anal electrocution, and guilt for not
 forwarding out 50 billion frickin' chain letters sent to me by people
 who actually believe that if you send them on, then that poor 6 year
 old girl in Arkansas with a breast on her forehead will be able to
 raise enough money to have it removed before her redneck parents sell
 her off to the traveling freak show.
 Do you honestly believe that Bill Gates is going to give you and everyone
 you send "his" email to $1000?  How stupid are you?
     Ooooh, lookey here!  If I scroll down this page and make a wish,
 I'll get laid by every Playboy model in the magazine!  What a bunch of
 bullshit. So basically, this message is a big SCREW YOU to all the
 people out there who have nothing better to do than to send me stupid
 chain mail forwards.
 Maybe the evil chain letter leprechauns will come into my apartment and
 sodomize me in my sleep for not continuing the chain which was started
 by Jesus in 5 AD and was brought to this country by midget pilgrims on
 the Mayflower and if it makes it to the year 2000, it'll be in the
 Guinness Book of World Records for longest continuous streak of blatant
 stupidity.
     If you're going to forward something, at least send me something
 mildly amusing. I've seen all the "send this to 50 of your closest
 friends, and this poor, wretched excuse for a human being will somehow
 receive a nickel from some omniscient being forwards about 90 times."
     I don't frickin care.
     Show a little intelligence and think about what you're actually
 contributing to by sending out forwards. Chances are it's your own
 unpopularity.

 THE FOUR BASIC TYPES OF CHAIN LETTERS:

                    Chain Letter Type 1:
 

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   .           Make a wish!!!
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   .         No, really, go on and make one!!!
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   .            Oh please, they'll never go out with you!!!
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   .            Wish something else!!!
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   .        Not that, you pervert!!
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   .        Is your finger getting tired yet?
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   .        STOP!!!!
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   .        Wasn't that fun? :)
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  Hope you made a great wish :) Now, to make you feel guilty, here's
 what I'll do. First of all, if you don't send this to 5096 people in
 the next 5 seconds, you will be raped by a mad goat and thrown off a
 high building into a pile of manure. It's true!  Because, THIS letter
 isn't like all of those fake ones, THIS one is TRUE!!  Really!!!
 Here's how it goes:

             Send this to 1 person: One person will be pissed off at you
 for sending them a stupid chain letter.
             Send this to 2-5 people: 2-5 people will be pissed off at
 you for sending them a stupid chain letter.
            Send this to 5-10 people: 5-10 people will be pissed off at
 you for sending them a stupid chain letter, and may form plot on your
 life.
            Send this to 10-20 people: 10-20 people will be pissed off
 at you for sending them a stupid chain letter and will napalm your
 house.

             Thanks!!!! Good Luck!!!
   -------------------------------------------------------

 Chain Letter Type 2
 
 

             Hello, and thank you for reading this letter.  You see,
 there is a starving little boy in Baklaliviatatlaglooshen who has no
 arms, no legs, no parents, and no goats. This little boy's life could
 be saved, because for every time you pass this on, a dollar will be
 donated to the Little Starving Legless, Armless, Goatless Boy from
 Baklaliviatatlaglooshen Fund. Oh, and remember, we have absolutely no
 way of counting the emails sent and this is all a complete load of
 bullshit. So go on, reach out.
         Send this to 5 people in the next 47 seconds. Oh, and a
 reminder - if you accidentally send this to 4 or 6 people, you will die
 instantly.

           Thanks again!!
   ---------------------------------------------------------

 Chain Letter Type 3

             Hi there!! This chain letter has been in existence since
 1897.  This is absolutely incredible because there was no email then
 and probably not as many sad people with nothing better to do. So this
 is how it works:
           Pass this on to 15,067 people in the next 7 minutes or
 something horrible will happen to you like:
              Bizarre Horror Story #1

             Miranda Pinkly was walking home from school on Saturday.
 She had recently received this letter and ignored it. She then tripped
 in a crack in the sidewalk, fell into the sewer, was rushed down a
 drainpipe in a flood of poopie, and went flying out over a waterfall.
 Not only did she smell nasty, she died.
              This Could Happen To You!!!

             Bizarre Horror Story #2

             Dexter Bip, a 13 year old boy, got a chain letter in his
 mail and ignored it. Later that day, he was hit by a car and so was his
 boyfriend (hey, some people swing that way). They both died and went to
 hell and were cursed to eat adorable kittens every day for eternity.
             This Could Happen To You Too!!!

            Remember, you could end up just like Pinsley and Bip. Just
 send this letter to all of your loser friends, and everything will be
 okay.
   -------------------------------------------------------
 

 Chain Letter Type 4:

           As if you care, here is a poem that I wrote.
           Send it to every one of your friends.
 

           Friends

             A friend is someone who is always at your side,
             A friend is someone who likes you even though you stink of
 shit, and your breath smells like you've been eating catfood,
             A friend is someone who likes you even though you're as
 ugly as a hat full of arseholes,
             A friend is someone who cleans up for you after you've
 soiled yourself,
             A friend is someone who stays with you all night while you
 cry about your sad, sad life,
             A friend is someone who pretends they like you when they
 really  think you should be raped by mad goats, then thrown to vicious
 dogs,
             A friend is someone who scrubs your toilet, vacuums and
 then gets the check and leaves and doesn't speak much English  -no,
 sorry that's the cleaning lady,
              A friend is not someone who sends you chain letters
 because he wants his wish of being rich to come true.

             Now pass this on! If you don't, you'll never have sex ever
 again.

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 The Conclusion:

     The point being? If you get some chain letter that's threatening to
  leave you shagless or luckless for the rest of your life, delete it.
 If it's funny, send it on. Don't piss people off by making them feel
 guilty about a leper in Botswana with no teeth, who's been tied to a
 dead elephant for
 27 years, whose only savior is the 5 cents per letter they'll receive
 if you forward this mail, otherwise you'll end up like Miranda.

     Right?

     Now forward this to everyone you know otherwise you'll find all
 your knickers missing tomorrow morning.