The Three Ducks
>>
>> This guy walks into a quiet bar. He is carrying
>> three ducks. One in>each
>> hand
>> and one under his left arm. He places them on the
>> bar. He has a few
>> drinks
>> and chats with the Bartender.
>>
>> The Bartender is experienced and has learned not to
>> ask people about the
>>
>> animals that they bring into the bar, so he doesn't
>> mention the ducks.
>> They
>> chat for about 30 minutes before the guy with the
>> ducks has to go to the
>>
>> restroom. The ducks are left on the bar.
>>
>> The bartender is alone with the ducks. There is an
>> awkward silence. The
>> Bartender decides to try to make some conversation.
>>
>> "What's your name?" He says to the first duck.
>>
>> "Huey" said the first duck.
>>
>> "How's your day been, Huey?"
>>
>> "Great. Lovely day. Had a ball. Been in and out of
>> puddles all day".
>>
>> "Oh. That's nice.", says the Bartender.
>>
>> Then he says to the second duck "Hi. And what's your
>> name?"
>>
>> "Dewey" came the answer.
>>
>> "So how's your day been, Dewey?"
>>
>> "Great. Lovely day. Had a ball. Been in and out of
>> puddles all day. If I
>> had
>> the chance another day I would do the same again."
>>
>> So the Bartender turns to the third duck and says
>> "So, you must be
>> Louie."
>>
>> "No", growls the third duck, "My name is Puddles.
>> And don't ask about my
>>
>> fucking day."
>>
>>
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************
Women's English:

Yes = No
No = Yes
Maybe = No
I'm sorry = You'll be sorry
We need = I want
It's your decision = The correct decision should be
obvious by now
Do what you want = You'll pay for this later
We need to talk = I need to complain
Sure go ahead = I don't want you to
I'm not upset = Of course I'm upset, you moron!
You're so manly = You need a shave and you sweat a lot
Be romantic, turn out the lights = I have flabby thighs
This kitchen is so inconvenient = I want a new house
I want new curtains = and carpeting, and furniture, and
wallpaper
I heard a noise = I noticed you were almost asleep
Do you love me? = I'm going to ask for something
expensive
How much do you love me? = I did something today you're
going to hate
I'll be ready in a minute = Kick off your shoes and
find a good game on TV
You have to learn to communicate = Just agree with me
Are you listening to me!? = [Too late, you're dead]

~~~

Men's English:

I'm hungry = I'm hungry
I'm sleepy = I'm sleepy
I'm tired = I'm tired
Do you want to go to a movie? = I'd eventually like to
have sex with you
Can I take you out to dinner? = I'd eventually like to
have sex with you
Can I call you sometime? = I'd eventually like to have
sex with you
May I have this dance? = I'd eventually like to have
sex with you
Nice dress! = Nice cleavage!
You look tense, let me give you a massage = I want to
fondle you
What's wrong? = What stupid self inflicted psychological
trauma is it now?
What's wrong? = I guess sex tonight is out of the question
I'm bored = Do you want to have sex?
I love you = Let's have sex now!
I love you, too = Okay, I said it, Now can we have sex
Yes, I like the way you cut your hair = I liked it better
before
Let's talk = I'll impress you by showing you I am a deep
guy then maybe sex?
Will you marry me? = I want to make it illegal for you to
have sex with others
I don't think that blouse and that skirt go well together = I'm gay