This is a bit lengthy but there are some good one scattered throughout.

Make yourself at home.  Clean my kitchen.

This isn't an office. It's Hell with fluorescent lighting.

I started out with nothing & still have most of it left.

If I throw a stick, will you leave?

Therapy is expensive, poppin' bubble wrap is cheap. You choose.

I like cats, too. Let's exchange recipes.

If I want to hear the pitter patter of little feet, I'll put shoes on my cat.

And your crybaby whiny-assed opinion would be...?

Suburbia: where they tear out the trees & then name streets after them.

I'm not your type. I'm not inflatable

I'm trying to imagine you with a personality.

A cubicle is just a padded cell without a door.

I work 40 hours a week to be this poor.

Nice perfume. Must you marinate in it?

Not all men are annoying. Some are dead.

Too may freaks, not enough circuses.

Chaos, panic, & disorder -- my work here is done.

A woman's favorite position is CEO.

Aw, did I step on your poor little bitty ego?