>> A word of warning to all cat owners!
>>
>> Calling in sick to work makes me uncomfortable. No matter how
>> legitimate my illness, I always sense my boss thinks I am lying.
>> On one occasion, I had a valid reason, but lied anyway because
>> the truth was too humiliating. I simply mentioned that I had
>> sustained a head injury and I hoped I would feel up to coming in
>> the next day. By then, I could think up a doozy to explain the
>> bandage on my crown.
>>
>> The accident occurred mainly because I conceded to my wife's
>> wishes to adopt a cute little kitty. Initially the new
>> acquisition was no problem, but one morning I was taking my
>> shower after breakfast when I heard my wife, Deb, call out to me
from
>> the kitchen. "Ed! the garbage disposal is dead. Come reset it."
>> You know where the button is." I protested through the shower
>> (pitter- patter). "Reset it yourself!"
>>
>> "I am scared!" She pleaded. "What if it starts going and sucks me
in?"
>
>> (Pause) "C'mon, it'll only take a second."
>> So out I came, dripping wet and buck naked, hoping to make a
>> statement about how her cowardly behavior was not without
>> consequence.
>>
>> I crouched down and stuck my head under the sink to find the
>> button. It is the last action I remember performing. It struck
>> without warning, without respect to my circumstances. Nay, it
>> wasn't a hexed disposal drawing me into its gnashing metal teeth.
It
>> was our new kitty, clawing playfully at the dangling objects she
>spied
>> between my legs. She had been poised around the corner and stalked
>me as
>>I took
>> the bait under the sink.
>>
>> At precisely the second I was most vulnerable, she leapt at the
>> toys I unwittingly offered and snagged them with her needle-like
>> claws.
>>
>> Now when men feel pain or even sense danger anywhere close to their
>> masculine region, they lose all rational thought to control orderly
>> bodily movements. Instinctively, their nerves compel the body to
>contort
>> inwardly, while rising upwardly at a violent rate of speed. Not
even
>a
>>well
>> trained monk could calmly stand with his groin supporting the full
>weight
>>of a
>> kitten and rectify the situation in a step-by-step manner.
>> Wild animals are sometimes faced with a "fight or flight"
>> syndrome. Men, in this predicament, choose only the "flight"
>> option.
>>
>> Fleeing straight up, I knew at that moment how a cat feels when
>> it is alarmed. It was a dismal irony. But, whereas cats seek
>> great heights to escape, I never made it that far. The sink and
>> cabinet bluntly impeded my ascent; the impact knocked me out
>> cold.
>>
>> When I awoke, my wife and the paramedics stood over me. Having
>> been fully briefed by my wife, the paramedics snorted as they
>> tried to conduct their work while suppressing their hysterical
>> laughter.
>>
>> At the office, colleagues tried to coax an explanation out of me.
>> I kept silent, claiming it was too painful to talk. "What's the
>> matter, cat got your tongue?"
>>
>> If they had only known.
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